I’m having some troubles in this new life. Emotionally and physically.
Emotionally - because I am terribly lonely yet it is a real faff to get out of the house now. So I’m getting weird and hermit like as I normally do spending almost no time around anyone but myself and my shadow. (With sprinklings of the Mister.)
I also hate that our families are missing out on knowing my little girl but also myself as a mother. That is the biggest draw-back to being an international couple. (My husband is South African, my daughter is British and I am American.) Our holiday time is spent visiting families - in turns and only if we can afford it. (Which this year also seems unlikely-flights just keep getting more and more expensive!)
Motherhood is taking to me like a sandpaper on bare-skin because it is the first job where I have no breaks. (How do I write these consistently? Little by little over a month, during naps or sometimes one handed while feeding her.)
No more “me” time - and boy is my mustache and crows feet proof of that!
Physically - between my back, arms, neck going to pot from excessive usage and contorting my body into odd positions in order to make madame hush or sleep.
I am zonked. Sleep deprivation, I thought I knew you well before but this is a whole new thing.
Yet I am a lot more stationary than before which is not helping me “bounce back” into my pre-baby body. (Not including the physical healing my body is still doing. Labour is a battle, I tell ya!)
But through all my wingeing, complaining and selfish rhetoric (sorry childless friends for the almost endless rants - don’t let it scare you!) - I love Peaches. Like crazy obsessive “I will destroy you with my bare-hands if you even look at her funny” kind of love.
My pre-parenthood days seem a lifetime ago, and I guess in a way they were.
So I am in a kind of mourning stage of that old life.
I had it for 32 years.
Not an instructional blog but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth - so help me Mom.