Two 3 year olds Video Chatting
C : Why don’t you come over to my house?
P : I can't.
C : Why? Are you busy?
P : No, I’m in Africa.
Me : America.
P : I’m in America.
C : Have you seen the witches?
P : No.
C : They have green faces.
P : I’m a lion, ROOOOOOAR.
C : Would you like to come over to my house?
P : I can’t, I am far away.
C : Where are you?
P : I’m in Africa.
Me : America.
P : America, it is far away. I’m a lion!
C : Oh. Have you talked to the witches?
P : They are good witches. I am a lion!
C : You don’t have balloons in America. I have this balloon.
P : Mickey Mouse balloon!
Me : Minnie Mouse.
P : A Minnie Mouse balloon! Look, mom.
C : You should come to my house for a visit.
P : I want to visit England.
Me : You need to save up your money.
C : You don’t have sandwiches in America. I have nice sandwiches here.
P : I like sandwiches. I save my money and come visit you.
C : You don’t have big TVs in America.
P : We have a big TV. It's big!
C : Oh! I would like to visit you in America.
Captain Buzzkill Mom, hey? Oh man. How I hate trying to explain distance to these girls. Oh how I dislike that distance too. These girlies saw each other almost daily for a year, only being a few months apart, they became bezzies quickly.
Don’t I wish making that kind loyal and intense of a friendship as theirs SO easily.
But I can’t. Not friendships. Acquaintance-ships, yes. Friendly terms - yes, of course. Adult besties, no. Not easy for me. I am set in my ways, and with my anxiety I become hyper-focused on getting EVERYTHING DONE NOW (or else) which makes me very wound up in my own little world. I can be a bit intense with my love but also can become annoyed easily (by drama, selfishness, politics) and have too many memories of broken friendship hearts. I just don’t trust others as easily as I used to - like kids do.
Two kids see one another anywhere in the world, and somehow there is an unspoken trust : ‘’I am a kid, you are a kid - we shall play together” as if it is law written by some unseen judicial hand.
Me now, someone is nice to me and I think ‘’what do you want’’ or ‘’what are you selling”.
That’s an icky feeling. Is it all anxiety related? Possibly! Is the current political climate also involved? Probably. Do I have time to sit down and think about it more than I already have? No. What I am really trying to say is - GOSH. I do miss our buddies in England. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! We all really, really, really, really, really, REALLY miss you. All of you.
And am I thinking of replacing you? NEVER. Not possible.
But I have hope, that I will be able to forge new friendships, different friendships, in the years to come. Until then - Siblings and Cousins, you are going to carry the brunt of my friendship and love. I am coming for you! So much love, it is happening, let’s hang!
Right after a nap.
+ one for a new number rings out,
4 I have travelled across blue seas,
4 days of fretting and full of doubt,
0h but now stifled by cellular glees.
7 years together will have to suffice,
4 I must leave you little but this refrain,
0de to a number for a mobile device,
3 gave assignment and may do so again.
2 hand you out and make you mine,
2 give you away and hope for ad hoc,
1 could say that I was always thine,
6 others would say that is poppycock.
9 it is not the time for ending with melancholy,
6 more years together would have been a folly.
Prepping for immigration.
Years of discussions.
14 months applying for partner visa.
Daughter becoming dual citizen.
Mentally preparing ourselves.
Getting rid of things.
Keeping eyes on job market.
Prepping for shipping.
Saying goodbye to fur family.
Gathering information and records.
Setting money aside.
Downsizing going into overdrive.
Giving things away.
Mentally preparing toddler, as best one can.
Giving things away.
Excited sadness packing.
Leaving things behind.
Away we go, again.
Norwegian Airline awesomeness.
Boston is expensive.
Kansas City.. where is everyone… OH! Here they are!
So. Here we are. Three weeks and some change into living in a multi-generational home. It doesn’t quite feel like ours, but it feels warm and familiar. Everything is an adjustment - getting used to hugging people so often again. Driving again. Dating my husband again. Keeping to a routine for Peaches. Explaining just why we cannot pop over to her buddy’s homes anymore - but hey look at all your cousins! Spending time with my Grandma again. Lovely adjustments.
The job hunt continues, another adjustment. We were both so used to the fast paced London, where you apply and hear back almost immediately. I am trying not to panic apply, just take some deep breaths and cast my services net into the world. Something will come along, because I am not going to stop until it does!
Mom and Dad have their own bedroom again.
Opened bank accounts.
Renewed Driver's License.
Playdates for Peaches.
Date nights for Mom and Dad.
Ikea shopping U.S. style.
Going through boxed possessions.
Currently we’re almost completely reliant on my parents - which we hate BUT are accepting any help people want to give us. That is one thing that has changed in the years, accepting help. Because I cannot do everything on my own. No one can. We need each other. (This is what I keep telling myself! Adjustment!)
I am very glad to be home.
Not an instructional blog but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth - so help me Mom.