This is something I wrote several months ago but had never posted. In the current political climate it feels mighty frivolous.
It isn't and may resonate with someone else out there - hello, whomever you are!
I just sent off my letter of resignation, as I will not be returning once my Maternity Leave has finished.
Shit, shit, fuckity-shit, shit, shit, shit, shit-shit. Pardon my vulgarity but it is exactly what I am thinking. I kind of always had an unsettled inkling that this is what would end up happening - low salary, no free childcare. But it is now real. It is a official. There was no magic beans that suddenly made my income double (who really wants to underpay the people taking care of their offspring? Not this lady!).
I am a stay-at-home-mother.
My stomach feels like there are barfing butterflies and I have the dry sweats (the sensation of sweating, without physically sweating) thinking about it. For so long my life was about ''what will I become'' and after school that slightly altered to ''what will this lead to'' but now it is ''what do I do now?''.
Yes, I know, take care of my daughter - throw my focus to her. I don't want to sound like a shit or ungrateful but that just isn't enough for me. I need to use my brain for other things. I need to be able to think about something besides :
What do we have that she can eat, that is good for her, nurturing her body and her brain today?-What can we do that will entertain/educate/distract her today?-What do we need to cloth/feed/protect/educate her today?-How do I keep her from destroying herself through injury/illness when it seems that is what her daily goal is?-Why am I so tired? Am I a bad mother?-AM I OKAY?-IS SHE OKAY?-IS HUSBAND OKAY?-Is the WORLD okay?-Is the future okay?
So, that is my new goal. To find something that works with our circumstance because who knows what it could lead to.
There has been a lot of head banging in our home life recently.
Actively because who doesn't enjoy dancing around the house to music? Well, we do and recently we've been laying down some jazzy-robotic-head banging moves to our repertoire. (Thanks in part to Christine and the Queens!)
Emotionally because in light of some overwhelming ignorant judgement calls. I mean, how do you even? I didn't see this coming about. Is it our own fault for not forecasting the trend beforehand? A warning to everyone else? (Clunk, clunk, clunk against the wall).
Physically as Peaches is learning to move about independently. Trying to crawl, trying to stand, trying to walk and all on her unsure appendages. (She just needs to learn how to fall appropriately).
As I was doing the first two they distracted me just enough to allow baby-girl to do the last one. She rolled off the bed, I swooped her up and ran to the kitchen to get an ice pack. I turned to open the fridge and CLUNK! I banged her head on the doorframe.
A week later and I'm almost over the gut-churning guilt of that.
Nice one mama!
This month's Sanity Saver is my local library.
As soon as we moved to our current area (at a mere four months pregnant) my husband eagerly led me to our local library to "check it out". This did not seem like a fun weekend activity to me but his enthusiasm was endearing.
He quickly struck up conversations with the very helpful librarians, asking them this and that. They showed us around their a large children's area and informed us of the year-round children's activities they provided for various ages. After about twenty minutes they asked my husband and I how old our children are. Bless him, and yet I am glad he took me there.
I never would have even considered a local library as an option for new mothers. But it gave me a reason to get out of the house and to interact with other parents during the first months of Peaches' life. And it was all FREE!
Free activities for kids, free conversation for the deprived and free interaction with other parents!
But this Sanity Saver is under threat. Please, check out your local library, use it, protect it and take care of it.
Not an instructional blog but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth - so help me Mom.