**THIS IS AN ALERT, A LADY IS ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT HER LADY BODY THINGS.**
Hello, and welcome to my (first) period piece - a little write up I have had sitting on the backburner of the blog-pile, editing and adding to only while menstruating. My red tent ramblings, if you will.
Fun imagery, right?
Let’s wade right into the crimson tide. Before Child (B.C.) my menstruation was an unruly backpacker who would show up at random times of the year, usually the most inopportune times, and ruin all laid out plans. Sometimes I would have warning signs beforehand - my hair feeling and looking like someone switched it out with a bad toupee, acne, or thoughts that world/people around me were going insane. Other times it would be a complete surprise (usually during travel).
During this time of the month my symptoms would also vary. Sometimes there were cramps so strong that I would physically double over in pain or I would get so emotional that I would hide myself away watching youtube videos of pets reuniting with their owners and weep until dehydration. Other times I would be bleeding so heavily that tampons and overnight pads could not contain things for more than a few hours. Occasionally there were times where things felt “normal” and I could go about life as normal without too much worry.
But nothing really was ever usual or regular about my periods except for the Migraines. Every month I would be stricken with a debilitating pain that lasted at a minimum of 12 hours in length. (They are a blog post in themselves, the damned time thieves!)
Now Post Child (P.C.) my menstruation, my body and my feelings about both have changed. First off, my periods did not return until Peaches was 9 months old (hallelujah!) to which the only explanation I can give is that I had been (still am) breastfeeding. These days they are lighter, harsh cramps have ceased and they are a lot more regular.
My body has altered since giving birth (vaginally) and I can no longer use tampons. Let me rephrase that for clarification - I no longer feel comfortable using tampons. They feel like I am shoving surgical gauze up my hoo-ha and I just do not like that feeling. I have ordered a cup and will write a separate blog post all about how I get on with that. (Are you on the edge of your seat?)
The feelings I now have about both, Aunt Flow and this form, are very different. I used to get so tangled up in myself worrying about how both were perceived to the outside world. Now, ain’t nobody got time for that! I am fascinated by what this body can do, giving me a little more freedom to experiment in dressing and treating it. I have to worry about a whole little other body (I made, super cool) and do not have time to worry about what others think (as much, still do a little, enough to keep me from leaving the house without trousers/leggings on).
So here we are. (Of course this could all change tomorrow, but today I am feeling saucey).
A while back Peaches coming home from church saying ''doo doo'' and ''blood” and that sums up my feelings about periods.
I can wait until it is her turn, poor mite.
Happy Birthday, Mom!!!!
Maternity Leave has begun! Now I can relax, right?
Oh wait, I’m about to become someone’s mother. I swear I was just sitting on my parent’s couch watching Nickelodeon and munchin’ on Cheetos just last week. And hey - what’s this? I’m going to be in charge of maintaining another being’s life? Say - whaaaaaaaat.
But we will do our best and hey, let’s work through this list of “TO DOs” and wow we zoomed right through that. Annnnnnd now I am bored. So, baby you might as well come out already.
Was that a contract- ooooooo, breath, this too shall pass. Oh, oh, oh, I am not ready, not ready baby, you can just chillax… and it has passed.
Well, nothing is happening today so let’s re-read the Harry Potter series to distract ourselves from time trickling away.
Let’s take a walk around the neighbourhood to get the juices flowing again. This is such a good place to raise a kid - only two more windows were broken overnight & there is two teenagers fishing from the coy pond. Those neighbourhood scamps!
Back home! Did you miss me Professor Whiskers? Cat, stop staring at my stomach it makes me uncomfortable.
Did this baby just a crapload of weight in the night - don’t pee yourself, don’t pee yourself and touchdown!
Four hours until the man comes home better think of something to make for dinner. Pinteresting turns into youtube watching and crap! “Honey I’m home!”
I feel like I am in “Groundhog Day” as this happens in some order, everyday.
I know I should be enjoying it.
But I am not.
I am a people person to some extent, and I feel bad for our post man who I make talk to me a little longer than he likes but is too polite to tell me so.
Children are off the streets and back in school. Outfits are becoming more layered as jackets make their appearance. The days are getting shorter and leaves are thinking about changing their costumes. There’s a crispness in the air at night and my “feeds” are full of (American) Football updates.
Fall is here!
The trouble with this time of year (oh, I’m starting to sound a little Andy Rooney-esque) is that I crave the U.S. Autumnal traditional foods. Basically tailgating foods, Apple & Pumpkin spiced things. None of which I can just get on a whim. It takes meticulous planning, subversive online shopping and some experimenting in the kitchen. To be honest, all of which is too much work or money for me to stomach (for my stomach).
(Now, someone send me some Fritos, Redhots & Candy Corn - ASAP!)
Getting less and less and less sleep these days, why is that - you probably aren’t asking aloud while reading this. Well! Between getting up to pee 3 to 6 times a night, charley horse attacks, aggressive rummaging of my innards from baby and just sparking awake angry at some transgression happening (to me or not to me) in the world; it is hard to tell why my time spent in dreamland is dwindling.
Bad sleep! Go to my room!
***Emotional vomit alert : My husband surprised me with a baby shower, showing me we do have a COMMUNITY we are a part of - they just happen to be scattered about London! That guy!***
Not an instructional blog but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth - so help me Mom.