Here we are in America. Sitting in my parent's office, on my mother's laptop tapping out (and editing) my internal monologue as Peaches snoozes away.
I have not been keeping DD up to date or ontime as most bloggers should. I could rattle off a lot of excuses but instead will go with the main one : I did not want to.
A lot has gone on inbetween post 23 and this - so it isn't for lack of subjects. I have just grown very tired of myself. It has all gotten a little too much and when things get on top of me I tend to draw into myself. Not getting out. Not talking to others. Not asking for help. I just stopped being me and went into Mum autopilot.
It is no way to be.
Luckily, my parents hopped the pond for a visit! My husband and I finally got to go out to dinner together. We got out and did things daily. I had people to constantly converse with. It has really boosted me out of my hole.
Now we are here in America. I am back in my comfort zone. And let me tell you folks - so much easier parenting from your comfort zone. You have help, you know the lay of the land, you know people who know people and all of this makes life so much easier. My goodness! I get it now - why everyone doesn't up sticks and decide to start a family abroad - because it is just easier!
I am hoping that this rejuvenates me as a mother, as, a friend, as a person and as a writer for our ultimate return to England.
I hope, I hope, I hope!
I was going to reword “Purple Haze” (by Jimi Hendrix) with a parody version called “Baby Brain” but realized that is very not necessary. So below I have only replaced the title with my own (hopefully it is accurate as I generically searched for said lyrics) :
“Baby all in my brain,
lately things don’t seem the same,
actin’ funny but I don’t know why
‘scuse me while I kiss the sky.
Baby Brain all around,
don’t know if I’m coming up or down.
Am I happy or in misery?
Whatever it is, that girl put a spell on me.
Oh no, oh
Yeah, Baby Brain all in my eyes,
don’t know if it’s day or night,
you’ve got me blowing, blowing my mind
is it tomorrow or just the end of time?
Help me, yeah, Baby Brain!”
Yes indeedy, that pretty much sums up what is going on over this way recently.
Welcome to the Adjust Bureau. Adjusting to a new life that no longer revolves around me or my partner. As well as this new guilt, the worst kind of guilt, mom guilt. Wowza, it packs an internal wallop. It is almost a super power in itself, but a horribly annoying one.
So. This is happening (she chicken peck types with one hand while holding her cranky child with the other).
I was out on our fire escape painting a recently acquired second-hand crib on a beautiful London summer afternoon. The door buzzer went marking the arrival of some plumbers to do some needed apartment maintenance. I, wearing painting attire, my husband’s oversized birkenstocks & holding the wet paintbrush in my hand, left the fire escape door and apartment door wide open to waddled downstairs to let them in the building.
Halfway down our door slams shut.
Picturing my keys hanging delicately inside my apartment on the wall - I walk into the bank below us (we share fire escapes) hair high as a cockatoo, shuffling in trying not to drip paint and not panic about the cat possibly escaping the apartment through the open outside door (she is not an outdoor feline).
After 30 minutes of these shenanigans we (the workers, foetus & I) made it back into the apartment and find kitty asleep on my bed unaware of her one chance to freedom.
So if a baby is anything like a house cat, well, I’m going to be fine.
I’m going to be fine.
Not an instructional blog but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth - so help me Mom.