**THIS IS AN ALERT, A LADY IS ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT HER LADY BODY THINGS.**
Hello, and welcome to my (first) period piece - a little write up I have had sitting on the backburner of the blog-pile, editing and adding to only while menstruating. My red tent ramblings, if you will.
Fun imagery, right?
Let’s wade right into the crimson tide. Before Child (B.C.) my menstruation was an unruly backpacker who would show up at random times of the year, usually the most inopportune times, and ruin all laid out plans. Sometimes I would have warning signs beforehand - my hair feeling and looking like someone switched it out with a bad toupee, acne, or thoughts that world/people around me were going insane. Other times it would be a complete surprise (usually during travel).
During this time of the month my symptoms would also vary. Sometimes there were cramps so strong that I would physically double over in pain or I would get so emotional that I would hide myself away watching youtube videos of pets reuniting with their owners and weep until dehydration. Other times I would be bleeding so heavily that tampons and overnight pads could not contain things for more than a few hours. Occasionally there were times where things felt “normal” and I could go about life as normal without too much worry.
But nothing really was ever usual or regular about my periods except for the Migraines. Every month I would be stricken with a debilitating pain that lasted at a minimum of 12 hours in length. (They are a blog post in themselves, the damned time thieves!)
Now Post Child (P.C.) my menstruation, my body and my feelings about both have changed. First off, my periods did not return until Peaches was 9 months old (hallelujah!) to which the only explanation I can give is that I had been (still am) breastfeeding. These days they are lighter, harsh cramps have ceased and they are a lot more regular.
My body has altered since giving birth (vaginally) and I can no longer use tampons. Let me rephrase that for clarification - I no longer feel comfortable using tampons. They feel like I am shoving surgical gauze up my hoo-ha and I just do not like that feeling. I have ordered a cup and will write a separate blog post all about how I get on with that. (Are you on the edge of your seat?)
The feelings I now have about both, Aunt Flow and this form, are very different. I used to get so tangled up in myself worrying about how both were perceived to the outside world. Now, ain’t nobody got time for that! I am fascinated by what this body can do, giving me a little more freedom to experiment in dressing and treating it. I have to worry about a whole little other body (I made, super cool) and do not have time to worry about what others think (as much, still do a little, enough to keep me from leaving the house without trousers/leggings on).
So here we are. (Of course this could all change tomorrow, but today I am feeling saucey).
A while back Peaches coming home from church saying ''doo doo'' and ''blood” and that sums up my feelings about periods.
I can wait until it is her turn, poor mite.
Happy Birthday, Mom!!!!
This is something I wrote several months ago but had never posted. In the current political climate it feels mighty frivolous.
It isn't and may resonate with someone else out there - hello, whomever you are!
I just sent off my letter of resignation, as I will not be returning once my Maternity Leave has finished.
Shit, shit, fuckity-shit, shit, shit, shit, shit-shit. Pardon my vulgarity but it is exactly what I am thinking. I kind of always had an unsettled inkling that this is what would end up happening - low salary, no free childcare. But it is now real. It is a official. There was no magic beans that suddenly made my income double (who really wants to underpay the people taking care of their offspring? Not this lady!).
I am a stay-at-home-mother.
My stomach feels like there are barfing butterflies and I have the dry sweats (the sensation of sweating, without physically sweating) thinking about it. For so long my life was about ''what will I become'' and after school that slightly altered to ''what will this lead to'' but now it is ''what do I do now?''.
Yes, I know, take care of my daughter - throw my focus to her. I don't want to sound like a shit or ungrateful but that just isn't enough for me. I need to use my brain for other things. I need to be able to think about something besides :
What do we have that she can eat, that is good for her, nurturing her body and her brain today?-What can we do that will entertain/educate/distract her today?-What do we need to cloth/feed/protect/educate her today?-How do I keep her from destroying herself through injury/illness when it seems that is what her daily goal is?-Why am I so tired? Am I a bad mother?-AM I OKAY?-IS SHE OKAY?-IS HUSBAND OKAY?-Is the WORLD okay?-Is the future okay?
So, that is my new goal. To find something that works with our circumstance because who knows what it could lead to.
Not an instructional blog but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth - so help me Mom.