What do I contribute to this society?
But. It is something I ask myself every so often but seems to come up more and more recently. Is it the gray haze of wintery blues making me go through mini self assessments or normal as a thirty something year old?
But the sunless days spent inside our room (remember we live in a studio flat) seemingly doing the same activities over and over cannot help. Is the way I have the television on as, background noise to me, going to alter my daughter’s brain?
But I try to balance it out with reading, physical activites and crafts as much as possible while remaining sane. Is there more I could be doing?
Yes. No. Maybe. I dunno.
But notice how my focus always goes to the kid(s). Continuously. When I go to bed, I am more often than not thinking and worrying about the children over myself. And that is how it should be.
That is being a parent.
And I am cool with that. Am I though?
^^^I am trying to write this while preventing Peaches from breaking or strangling herself my pair of headphones/climbing on me bumping my typing hands/yelling sheep while jumping on the couch next to me as Cbeebies blares in the background.^^^
That time of year again where everyone is making their “life changing” resolutions AND HERE IS ANOTHER ONE. Well, sort of. Change is a process not a flash solution. Innit. Isn’t it? Probably.
To recap my resolution of 2017 :
“to just keep doing the best I can. I am not super mom. But I have this super awesome kid. And although I yearn for the yesteryear where my rose tinted memories suggest I had no worries or responsibilities - this is where I am at.”
Pfffft, Nailed it! Hahaha. For reals though, I did begin finally asking for help in 2017 - whether it be 5 minutes to myself, or a date night with the husband. Only took two years, but I am stubborn. So I will continue to work on asking and receiving help regularly in the years to come.
For my 2018 resolution, I hope to work on my patience and to better handle situations with those who test it. I have not quite worked out as to how I will go about doing this, but I figure it will come to me - as and when needed. I hope!
Living with a toddler and alongside 6 teenagers (not to mention being inside a school and regularly interacting with hundreds of students) could test Ghandi’s patience. Some have called me quick witted - the same fast response I occasionally use when frustrated. It does not make the situation better, as a joke would, but leaves everyone a little taken aback.
So that is what I hope to work on this year. More patience for my daughter, more patience for my boarding sons, more patience for my family and more patience to everyone. As we are all trying our best, and sometimes things get on top of us. Breathe first, respond second. Otherwise emotions leap forward with a wollop.
Not an instructional blog but the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth - so help me Mom.